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The Story Behind Tinkerbell
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When Ashley passed away friends were giving us miniature fairies and the like. Tammie told me that Tinkerbell was Ashley's favourite pixie/ fairy. I was surprised and wondered why I didn't know that. Frankly it bothered me that I didn't and I felt I should have known that sort of stuff about my daughter. After organizing Ashley's stuff, Tammie gave me one of her crystal prisms which we had given her for Christmas a few years back. Near the crystal is a small fairy, and it stirred my memory a bit. I hung it in the east facing dining room window beside ours, and Jessie's. On some days, the early morning sun makes a spray of rainbows everywhere, and it is really quite spectacular when it happens. One morning I woke up early, about 2 months after Ashley passed away, to a wild and vivid display of prism rainbows dancing around the dining room. I was struck motionless with a sudden realization, and at the same time overcome with a great wave of tears. I remembered and then I cried. It had been me all along, but I had forgotten.
One bright day, when Ashley was very young, and I sat at the breakfast table sipping coffee, she asked me about a small rainbow on the wall at our old house. "What's that Dad," she asked with her big curious hazel eyes. I looked up to see the sun's reflection from my watch painting a small bright spot on a nearby wall. I was about to show her how my watch made the bright spot move, but all in that moment, the real reason seemed dull, so, I fibbed, and told her it was Tinkerbell.
Her eyes shone wildly at the prospect. At first, I don't think she believed, until she moved toward the light and "Tinkerbell," quickly flew away. I asked Ashley to be very careful and respectful of Tinkerbell, as she was shy and was easily frightened. We had to be very careful not to scare her away. Ashley's loved it when Tinkerbell would sneak in slowly, after being frightened away by sudden movement or strangers. Tinkerbell came back that morning, as she did many other beautiful sunny mornings, but was always very shy and nervous. Ashley, and others, had to treat her with the utmost respect, or she would fly away. Tinkerbell even had the uncanny ability to show up in the oddest of places - our car, her bedroom, or even when we were travelling somewhere together. Ashley always announced her arrival with excitement, "Look Dad/ Mom/ Jess, it's Tinkerbell!"
It was the rainbows on the wall that helped me remember, it had always been me, and a special bond that I had with Ashley. I felt closer to her in that instant than I had felt for a long time. I love you Ash and miss you terribly.
xox Dad
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